The Government-Funded Neighborhood for Man-Children

PRE-VACAY POST

2009-07-03T13:09:40Z

I am very hungry and angry at my wisdom teeth.

I also want to know: SHOULD I GET A TWITTER???

Answer soon. See you when I get back from vacation!

schizocarebear @ 2009-04-21T15:15:00

2009-04-21T19:21:22Z

Torture = BAD, you dumb shits.

I was just reading about a new form of torture being used on homosexual Iraqis on ontd_political and it was so sickening to me that I honestly gasped 'what the fuck?' out loud in the JCC library. Well, this prompts the people who were sitting behind me to look at my screen, laugh, and ask about it like it was some sort of joke. Um, no. You're in college, let's not laugh at the sentence 'anuses glued shut,' okay?

However, my anger and sickness is starting to ebb because there is totally a dude watching Heroes here.

It's still pretty awful what they're doing. Look it up, I don't feel like going into details right now, but I'll just say it includes the anuses of homosexual Iraqi men being glued shut with glue that can only be removed surgically.

schizocarebear @ 2009-03-14T13:17:00

2009-03-14T17:18:28Z

I love Obama. No lie. The man is amazing.

Mamas, don't let yer babies drive fuck trucks...

2009-03-13T15:07:20Z

So, yeah, because some freshman hit me in the parking lot of the high school, I might get to file a police report! Especially since he just drove off after backing straight into my extremely obviously parked there car. He saw me drive in and park there, too!

WARNING: FOUR BIG (800 x 600) PHOTOS UNDER THE CUT!

Something About the Watchmen Movie...((SPOILER - sort of))

2009-03-07T16:25:38Z

Jeffery Dean Morgan tried to rape the mom from Spy Kids!! D=

...And April lawled at it. >=( For shame!

schizocarebear @ 2009-03-01T13:17:00

2009-03-01T18:19:09Z

I want to see Youth in Revolt, for a couple of reasons...

1. Michael Cera, Steve Buscemi, Fred Willard, Zach Galifinakis, Jean Smart, and, why not, Justin Long!
2. Filmed in places in Michigan, INCLUDING Ann Arbor.
3. Read an article with Portia Doubleday and like her.

Yeah! ...Sadly, it doesn't come out until October 30th.

I sure hope I don't have lollipop disease.

2009-02-27T02:18:33Z

'You just wanted to save naked women.'

'Hell yeah I wanted to save naked women!'

schizocarebear @ 2009-02-25T18:52:00

2009-02-25T23:54:05Z

Dear Thief,

You somehow manage to take a majority of my good ideas and twist them into something that completely sucks. How and why would you do that?

Sincerly,
The Original

schizocarebear @ 2009-02-23T00:08:00

2009-02-23T05:06:58Z

Slumdog and Slumdog related things took a bunch of Oscars. SUCK IT.

I can't wait for Tuesday night, because I am going to buy that DVD and watch it so hard.

schizocarebear @ 2009-02-20T12:05:00

2009-02-20T17:11:37Z

By Tuesday, I have...roughly 90 math problems that have to be done (give or take some, I'm rounding and assuming I have six sections to do) and fucking MyMathLab STOPPED LOADING AT MY HOUSE. So, I need to wait until 3:30 to even start doing them. So, tonight...is probably going to be spent cookin' up lots and lots of math! Yeah! Until that time, I'm probably going to revise my I AM NOT ERROR. paper and begin my causal essay.

Anyone want to help me explain why so many people like the Twilight series?

schizocarebear @ 2009-01-30T13:58:00

2009-01-30T18:59:51Z

I have learned, from just browsing the descriptions of Fallout fanfiction, that EVERY female "Lone Wanderer" (that is, if the character you design to play is a female) is EXTREMELY eager to lose her virginity. So eager, in fact, that she will do it with a ghoul or Fawkes the Supermutant!

schizocarebear @ 2009-01-28T23:49:00

2009-01-29T04:49:02Z

I...

* Think I may possibly be sleep walking.
* Am very tired.
* Don't want to go to school tomorrow.
* Like the M83 CD I have.
* Can't wait for next Friday.
* Will be so fucking lawling if I get an A on this paper.

schizocarebear @ 2009-01-25T11:29:00

2009-01-25T16:35:31Z

Saw Slumdog Millionare last night.

ZOMG.

So good!

Another Danny Boyle triumph!

And, and, and! M.I.A music!

Plus, plus...and I don't care if you think I'm lame for this, but...total dance number with the cast at the end. Dev Patel (who has totally grown-up from being Anwar on Skins) and...the chick that played the grown Latika.

Doo doo doo. I want the soundtrack now, via torrent, of course...because I'm too cheap/too poor to actually buy hard copies of CDs from stores.

Although I'm seriously considering purchasing Jenny Lewis's Acid Tongue...when I get some money, that is. But I'll attempt to download it first.

But, yeah! Slumdog Millionare. Loved it. Want it. Gonna buy it. MIGHT go see it again when I get my student loan money.

For now, I have to go look up the song from the beginning, the one that was all 'O Saya' when there was running going on and stuff, because I swear the chick singing in it was M.I.A...and given that Paper Planes (all I wanna do is 'bang, bang, bang!' and 'gun cocking, cash register' take your money!) was in there...it's a possibility.

MOVIE SUGGESTION: Go see Slumdog Millionare!

SUCCESS!

2009-01-24T14:17:24Z

How does this sound for a persuasive paper outline on video games:

INTRODUCTION - Extremely short story (one paragraph or less), back to reality, explain how the short story ties in with my thesis statement.

THESIS STATMENT: Video games aren't bad, but good. (In better words, though.)

REASON ONE: They can be a social doorway. Tournaments, Xbox LIVE, online gaming, the PS3-equivilent of Xbox LIVE. The friends that will be made over video games and get together on the weekends and play together. Not to mention the Wii.

REASON TWO: The games with positive physical benefits. Wii (what it is/stats/Wii Fit), Dance Dance Revolution (what it is/stats), and INTENSE Guitar Hero/Rockband playing (same as the last two).

REASON THREE: The mental benefits from games. Video games and Alzheimer's disease. LIMITED video game use with children and adults who have ADD/ADHD. The other benefits from normal games, such as: improved reaction time, motor skills, hand-eye coodination, EVEN VISION. Not to mention its stress relieving benefits.

OPPOSING SIDE: Violent video games create violence in real life, with the example of the guy who killed his mother and tried to blame it on video games. Video games create lazy, fat children with rotted-out brains, as seen in that one episode of South Park, as well as the rate of obesity in American that people would just love to blame on video games alone.

CONCLUSION: Other positive things about video games, such as the jobs the game industry creates, the money it generates/impact on the economy, and the interests it sparks/books and movies that have come into being thanks to those games. Restate my thesis. Something along the lines of a call to action.

Feedback? Information? Links? Articles? Feel free to share!

HEY! I EDITED THIS!

2009-01-24T01:30:54Z

Howie Do It...

Seriously, how he do it? How did Howie Mandell get another show?

Howie Do It is mean. The pranks they pull not only embarrass the people they're pulling them on (which would be okay, I guess, if it weren't fucking Howie Mandell), but also scare them...at least from the two episodes I half-watched last night - don't worry, together they only were about forty minutes, which, I suppose, is STILL far too much Howie Mandell, but...as I was half-watching these forty minutes, it was more like twenty...which is a little better.

But, okay, most of the pranks he pulled on people were fear-inducing. The first was a phony informercial for a tanning lotion that they made appear as if it had the side-effect of third-degree burns after just six minutes. The second was ANOTHER informercial for a shampoo that appeared to have the side-effect of a very badly burnt scalp and massive hair loss. Yeah, okay, let's scare a man who loves his hair into thinking it's all going to go away, never come back, and, what's worse, he's going to have a burnt, scabby head. HILARIOUS! The third was some guy on a fake Japanese gameshow that they made believe he had nearly killed one of his best friends.

HAHAHAHAHA.

HOWIE SO FUNNY?

HOWIE DO IT?

HOWIE GET HIS SHOW TO STAY ON MORE THAN ONE EPISODE WHEN THINGS LIKE PUSHING DAISIES, FIREFLY, WONDERFALLS, AND ALL THE OTHER WONDERFUL SHOWS THAT GET CANCELLED GO AWAY?

Anyone got any ideas?

2009-01-23T15:30:07Z

I'm pretty sure my writing teacher thinks I'm an idiot. And, honestly, I feel like an idiot in that class. Yesterday I had a migraine that started with my math class and went straight through until 9:30 p.m. Not only was there the migraine, but every Tuesday and Thursday, I have algebra before my writing class and it's just kind of hard from me to switch back from numbers to words. We're supposed to write a persuasive paper and I have NO IDEA what I'm going to write it on. The teacher, Kim, decided to brainstorm with me...which belly-flopped due to the brain pain of my migraine. I couldn't remember the word 'ebonics,' I know what it means, I knew what it means, but...I don't know, my brain was like *fart sound*.

She asked me what I was passionate about and my answer was 'Right now, I'm super passionate about taking a nap.' I guess I liked it more than she did. But, yeah, I don't know. I'm passionate about things...but not things that could really be argued over five pages. Any ideas? I have gay marriage and violence in video games turning children violent. I can't write on abortion or capital punishment, or zombie rights.

It's kind of amazing that, right now, writing is my least favorite class. Although, I think I'm more cut for creative writing instead writing papers.

I have four classes right now: intermediate algebra, writing, great world religions, and 20th century American literature. I think my favorite is American literature, at first I was worried I wouldn't like it and that I was missing the point of everything we read, but then it turns out that I actually did very well. I feel so smart in that class. I also feel pretty good in math and pretty good in world religions. Writing, however, well...there I feel uncomfortable. Maybe because it's the fact that I think the teacher thinks I'm dumb, which is one of the reasons I have to crank out an amazing paper. A paper that reflects the four-point I got in the writing class before this one.

PS - I want to see Slumdog Millionare really, really bad. *scuttles off to the Jackson 10 website*

schizocarebear @ 2009-01-12T11:06:00

2009-01-12T16:13:52Z

I really hate AOL. I hate trying to one little itty bitty thing and having it freeze on me and then I have to restart AOL, which loses my history and I have to try very hard to remember what page it was I was supposed to load. That's why I have a lot of random favorites. It's like having to save on a video game so that when you die, you aren't returned somewhere way before that point.

Aside from hating AOL, I've rediscovered my love for Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I was cleaning out my computer desk and found my N64 with controller and games (yes, that's how big this monster of a desk is...it can fit an N64, complete with its wires, two games, and a controller, in the same drawer as a stack of five 70 page spiral notebooks) and decided to play some Zelda. I remembered how I named one of my characters 'You Fuckhead' so that when Navi flew into my house and was all like 'Wake up!' she'd say 'Wake up, c'mon, wake up You Fuckhead, can the destiny of Hyrule really rest upon such a lazy boy?'

So, yeah. I'm enjoying that.

I was enjoying this book titled Misfortune, but now I've stopped reading for some reason.

I've also been enjoying Batman comics. Year One, The Dark Knight Returns, The Dark Knight Strikes Again, Year One-Hundred, Joker, The Killing Joke, Strange Apparitions. I'm still waiting for Arkham Asylum and the Long Halloween, and I can't remember if I requested them using MELcat or not. Oh well.

I think I'll go play Zelda now, I'm in the Forest Temple and I wanna get me that bow! =B

TO EVERYONE WHO HATES KATY PERRY...

2009-01-08T04:09:11Z

I have joined you. At long last, I have joined you.

For a couple days, maybe a week, I - for reasons absolutely beyond me - liked I Kissed a Girl, but then again, the first place I had heard it was on a fanmix...I think for Ellen Page and Michael Cera?...that I liked, so, that probably gave it some points.

Other than that song (and the very end of Hot 'N' Cold) I knew NOTHING about Katy Perry. Well, today while searching for some information on the new Lily Allen CD, I discovered that she and Lily Allen have this thing going on because Katy Perry claimed she was like a skinny Lily Allen. Which pissed Lily off - AS IT SHOULD.

But, yes, this led me into reading interviews with Katy Perry and the lyrics for Ur So Gay (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST) and discovering that Katy Perry did a cover of MGMT's Electric Feel (JESUS FUCKING CHRIST AGAIN!).

According to Lily Allen, this is the way it went down: "When I met her I was bit frosty with her because someone asked her to describe herself. She's like, 'Aha, I'm like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinnier version of Lily Allen!' It's like, you're not English and you don't write your own songs, shut up!"

I adore Lily Allen. I adore that she said 'you're not English and don't write your own songs'. I cannot wait for Feb.

Anyway, more reasons to hate Katy Perry are some of the things she's said - as well as all the lyrics to Ur So Gay and I Kissed a Girl, especially when you consider that she has NEVER kissed a girl.

1. "All these songs are very personal, they’re straight out of a 'dear diary' situation...[but] my Anne Frank is now being exposed to the world."

2. "My music makes pop-music cool again."

3. "I'm completely outrageous and I'll do anything for attention!"

ALSO, someone said she was the hotter version of Zooey Deschanel! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Have you LOOKED at them? Not to mention, Zooey has some talent. Not just in singing (She & Him, anyone?) but also in ACTING.

...Wow, I am sorry...this turned into a mini-rant that was bigger than I wanted it to be. All I wanted to say was I now hate Katy Perry and am angry with the fact that I didn't get with the program sooner. DANG.

WAY TO GO ABC.

2009-01-03T16:09:57Z

I've come up with a seventh reason for today to suck, as I've just found out today. ABC has CANCELLED Pushing Daisies. RIGHT BEFORE AN EPISODE I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO. WTFH ABC! Just because you're putting Scrubs on your stupid channel does NOT give you permission to cancel the one show that is worthwhile on your shitty network. ESPECIALLY RIGHT BEFORE THE FUCKING EPISODE WHERE NED AND CHUCK CAN FUCKING TOUCH YOU DOUCHEBAGS!

This day...oh my god...something good has to happen. Next thing you know, NBC will decide NOT to air the Beyonce episode again tonight and will, instead, air the Tim McGraw episode that WAS NOT FUNNY.

There's a rumor that the last three filmed episodes of Pushing Daisies are going to be aired in the summer, but...UGH! ABC CANCEL!? CANCEL!? Why don't you POSTPONE the series and make it a SUMMER show! I'd watch it! You'd get more viewers, too! ...Just don't put it on opposite So You Think You Can Dance, okay?

...*sighs*...Maybe NBC should pick it up. Give it a home where it belongs, where it is among other good shows. It's unfair to put it on ABC, which is - in my opinion - the least worthwhile channel. Now it isn't even worthwhile since Pushing Daisies is gone. I wanna cry.

A little melodrama for your morning.

2009-01-03T15:28:33Z

Today is already looking crappy. Something better pick up, seriously.

1. All my requested library books are still 'In Transit'.
2. My mom has a sudden trip to Ann Arbor that prevents us from going to Sam's Club to get my glasses.
3. For some reason, Fox isn't showing cartoons. They're playing an infomerical. What will this do to Saved by the Bell at 12?
4. Everything I eat fucking upsets my stomach.
5. I need to find some way into Jackson to return the game I rented that wasn't much fun...at all...and just a waste of money.
6. Feb cannot come fast enough.

I'm pretty sure my glasses are going to turn into another thing like my car. 'We'll go tomorrow, we'll go this weekend, we'll go next weekend, we'll go next month, how about for your birthday?' When we finally get there?: 'I don't have money for this. We're just here to look.' And, again, it's not like I can't go without her. She's the one that has the Sam's Club card, I don't have one, they wouldn't even fucking let me in the store. She's also the one that has the SHIPS card that is going to PAY for the glasses and eye exam.

So, I guess I'm going to be stuck with two-year-old glasses and layering sunglasses over them until my eyes finally get so bad that I can't see anything and crash into a fucking tree and die, all because my mom wouldn't take me to Sam's Club.

I'm no good with crypticism, so...fuck it.

2009-01-02T19:34:24Z

ghosts , you are an infected dick blister.

schizocarebear @ 2008-12-30T15:59:00

2008-12-30T21:04:28Z

Last night, I saw Milk. Which was good, minus the two girls beside me who would either squeal or giggle loudly, or go 'AWWW! HE'S SO CUTE!' every single time they showed Emile Hirsch or James Franco. ...Sometimes when something intimate was going on, they'd also giggle.

Today, I'm watching Elizabethtown right now, which - so far - is not all that great. Am I supposed to go 'Ha ha, she said 'boner' and Paula Deen is none-too-happy about it'? Sorry, I won't. I've also been so preoccupied with wondering what the hell Orlando Bloom did to fuck up those shoes and lose basically a billion dollars for whatever the fuck place he lost it for to pay much attention to what has been going on.

Bored.

2008-12-24T18:08:38Z

I remember the day Paulie came to me, all smiles, and told me that he had decided once and for all what he was going to become in the future.

‘Oh, are you going to become movie critic?’

‘No,’ he responded with a shake of his head.

I offered another guess, ‘An actor?’

Paulie shook his head again and I just shrugged, I couldn’t imagine what he would want to do other than those two things.

Paulie beamed, his smile ever-widening, ‘I want to be a chef.’

I stared at him, my mouth threatening to fall open, and all the horrible obscenities that had risen like bile to my mouth were scratching to get out. Fighting against everything that was currently attempting to escape from me I asked, ‘A chef?’

Paulie nodded, ‘Yeah, isn’t it a great idea!’

I didn’t know how to respond. Cooking was my passion and every single one of my friends knew it. I’m not the best cook in the world, but I’m young, so it’s okay. I know as much about cooking and the kitchen as Paulie does about movies, which is quite a bit and the reason I assumed he’d want to do something in that instead of coming in and crowding my dream.

‘Uh, why do you…I mean, what gave you this idea?’

‘Oh, you know, I’ve just been watching a bunch of cooking shows and reading lots of cookbooks and it seems like something I could do, it seems really easy.’

I couldn’t stop my hands from balling themselves into fists, ‘You think it’s ‘really easy?’’

‘Yeah, I do. The other day, I had some of my friends over – remember that day you went to the movie theater with your girlfriend – and I cooked, and they liked it. I mean, they really liked it. You should’ve heard some of the things they said about it, said about me!’

Ah-ha, I thought, that’s why.

‘Do you want to try some brownies?’

I thought that plate of brownies had been suspicious, ‘Sure.’

I wanted to like the brownie, I really did. I wanted to tell Paulie that they were delicious, but they weren’t, so I couldn’t. I’d made brownies that tasted better in the seventh grade. The seventh grade! Paulie was cooking at a seventh (being gracious) grade level and thinking that he was going to be a chef? People were congratulating him for this? This couldn’t happen, I could not stand by and watch Paulie be tricked into thinking he was good at cooking, when he was only decent.

It may be considered mean, I suppose, to crush a friend’s feelings like that, but I knew that he would one day thank me. Yeah, I took another bite of his sub-par brownie, he’d definitely thank me.

‘So, what do you think?’

‘Well, honestly…’

I’d always had a problem with telling people how I honestly felt, I always wanted to sugar-coat and tip-toe around until they just came to the conclusion themselves and all I had to do was nod. Shit, I thought, I need an escape plan. I stood there, munching more of that brownie just to buy myself time. I mentally gasped as my tongue felt a peanut butter chip.

‘Hey, didn’t you say before that people who put peanut butter chips in their brownies were ridiculous?’

Paulie stared at me, ‘Uh, uh, no, when did I ever say that?’

‘You said it multiple times, every time Christa made brownies with them. You’d secretly laugh behind her back and say it was ‘overkill’, I remember…’

‘Well, maybe I…was just going with public demand. Everyone liked Christa’s brownies.’

That’s because they were actually good. ‘Or maybe you’re being a hypocrite?’

‘…Whatever, you were going to tell me what you thought.’

I mentally smiled; I’d caught him, red-freaking-handed. It wasn’t anything to do with passion or inspiration or enjoyment or any of the reasons I cooked for: it was for attention.

‘Well, honestly, I don’t much care for it. You used far too many eggs and your peanut butter chips are all crowded to one side, they’re supposed to be evenly used so that the person you’re feeding doesn’t get halfway through before realizing they’re even in there.’ I inhaled, ‘I think you should probably just stick to what you know: movies.’

For a week after that, I didn’t really hear anything from Paulie. The recipes he’d been posting on his blog – if you can call ‘chop up some apples and throw them on top of the lettuce and then cover with Italian dressing’ a recipe – stopped as well. He was mad at me, but it was worth it. I knew that once he got a job working with film, I as I said, he knows movies, he’d thank me. It might take years, but he would thank me.

schizocarebear @ 2008-12-20T10:30:00

2008-12-20T16:28:45Z

Okay, so, see that guy? Up there? Know who that is? That's the dude that played Zack Morris on "Saved By the Bell", his name is Mark-Paul Gosselaar, apparently. Well, last night, while feeling not quite good and trying to fall asleep, I saw him on TMZ and thought to myself: Hmm, with the right make-up and styling, he could look a bit like the Joker. ...It's possibly just the hair.

I, personally, would find it VERY entertaining if he could actually do a good job, because, god, Saved by the Bell is so fucking shitty.

schizocarebear @ 2008-12-16T11:47:00

2008-12-16T16:48:23Z

*stab face*